Whovian Guide Book
by Enemy of the Daleks
Summary: in here is how to know you're a whovian, how to annoy them if you're not, fanfictions that you should read,and other things like funny quotes, or lines. feel free to message me anything you think should be in the book
1. You know You're a Whovian when

** ever you go to a party you always bring a banana**

**2. You go on roller coasters and scream GERONIMO!**

**3.** **Chameleon Circuit is the best band ever**

** decided that pears, apples, beans, bacon, yogurt, carrots, and bread and butter are things you will never eat again**

**5. You've used the term 'Wibbly-Wobbly" to answer at least one question on your science homework**

** 've over used a certain knock knock joke a lot**

** someone asks you who should win the election, your immediate response is "Saxon"**

**8.** **Teacher: how do you solve this problem?**

**You: Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!**

**9."Spoilers"**

**10. Your favorite excuse not to go to school is:**

**"I can't go to school today, I think I might be regenerating."**

**11. You glare at shop window dummys when you walk by**

**12. You know the speach that the Doctor says in "The Pandorica Opens" by heart.**

**13. Your favorite insult is "You're so thick, you're Thick Thick from Thicktown, Thickania, and so's your dad."**

**14. When entering a room, you like to shout "It's bigger on the inside!"**

** can't help but wonder if the snow is really ash.**

** are afraid to spend Christmas in London. **

** first thing you think when you see a gas mask is "Are you my mummy?"**

** see a screwdriver and think "This could be more sonic."**

** you make a mistake typing you say outloud "You will be deleted."**

** cried when the 10th doctor didn't get to finish saying goodbye to Rose.**

**21. You have described something as "Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Whimey".**

**22. You can tell what episode it is just by what the compaionions are wearing**

**23. you have a plan for when the TARDIS comes for you**

**24. You're not afraid of the dark, you're afraid of shadows.**

**25. You have a mini freak out everytime you see someone wearing a bow-tie**

**26. The is a Doctor Who quote for everything.**

**27. Bingle Bongle Dingly Dangle Yickety-Do Yickety-Da Ping Pong Lippy-Toppy To-Ta**

**28. "Twilight or Harry Potter?"  
"Doctor Who." **

**29. You name you daughter after your daughter**

**30. Buy a Wedding dress with pockets**

**31. 9, 10, 11 aren't just number**

**32. No matter were you live you know what Raxacoricofallapatorius is**

**33. In 20 years time you will be forcing your kids to watch Doctor Who**

**34. the number 10 makes you swoon**

**35. BARROWMAN!**

** two shadows is a death sentance**

**37. correctamendo!**

**38. WHO DA MAN! right never saying that again**


	2. How to Annoy a Whovian

1. Calling The Doctor "Doctor Who"

2. *When watching the show with a fan, constantly ask 'What's that?' or 'What's he doing?'...etc. Do it at least at the start of each scene.

3.*Tell them what a horrible Doctor David Tennant was and that the show should have died with Christopher, or better yet with Sylvester because America screwed it up in the movie.

4.*Bring up how much the Rose character is a Mary Sue (though there are a lot who agree with this) and that she is too 'blond' to be the Doctor's girlfriend. If the particular whovian you are annoying doesn't like Rose, get a list of all the Doctor Who companions and try it with all the girls. You'll get it eventually.

there's a kiss (which is surprisingly often), bury your face in a pillow or any other handy object and say 'EWW!' or 'Get off!' or something like that. Trust me, it works every time.

that British sci-fi sucks and that American sci-fi is way better.

7. Constantly refer to Jack Harkness as the Doctor's boy toy. When they get mad, suggest an alternative, such as life partner. Keep going with things like Special Friend, or just forget subtlety and go with  
something like boyfriend. Continue until either you run out of names or they hit you.

up with theories as to how the Time Lords got almost wiped out, and never let the whovian explain the real reason. For example, maybe it was a mass suicide because they all realized how stupid they looked. (Seriously. If you've never seen how a Time Lord dresses, you have to Google image it right now, because it's hilarious.)

they mention Matt Smith, David Tennant, or any other fangirl favorite, fake barf, mouth UGLY, do anything you can to convey that you think he's hideous. Come up with an unflattering nickname for every Doctor.

10. Ask them to show you an episode where the Doctor regenerates (not one of the earlier ones, though, 'cause they just kinda glow green. It's not that explosive at all). When he does regenerate, scream 'YES!' when they look at you funny or ask why, say 'His head exploded!' and give them a creepy grin. When you see the new Doctor, ask who he is, and when they explain, act all disappointed and say, 'Dammit, I thought he was dead.'

11. Write a horrible fanfiction (Spell things wrong, come up with ridiculous pairings for characters, ect.) and then post it on the web for everybody to see.

bother them with questions like, "Why does he wear bow ties?" or "shouldn't he be dead? I mean, he's 907 years old" When they try to explain, stare at them blankly like you don't understand.

them you've got something better than a sonic screwdriver… you have a sonic paperclip…

out TARDIS has the word tard in it


	3. My Top Ten Favorite QuotesLines

Doctor: Oh, Doctor you're so handsome. Yes I am, thank you.

Doctor: See, there's the thing. I'm the Doctor, but beyond that, I - I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am. It's all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed? Left-handed? A gambler? A fighter? A coward? A traitor? A liar? A nervous wreck? I mean, judging by the evidence, I've certainly got a gob.

doctor: I spred my wings into the sky! Have you met the French, my god they know how to party, You sound just like your mother, I think I just invented the Bannana Daiquiri a couple centuries early, always bring a bannana to a party Rose, Bannanas are good!

Doctor: "Your so thick your Mr. Thick Thick Thick from Thicktown, Thickania, and so's your dad.

5. Ninth Doctor:Do you mind not farting while I'm trying to save the world?

Doctor: Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink.  
Mickey: What's that?  
The Doctor: No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say "magic door".

: [incredulously] Who has a sonic screwdriver?  
The Doctor: I do!  
Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, 'Ooo, this could be a little more sonic?'"  
The Doctor: What, you've never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?

: Get a girlfriend, Jeff!

9. Eleventh: "I'M THE DOCTOR, I'M WORSE THAN EVERYBODY'S AUNT! ... And that is _not_ how I'm introducing myself."

: Bacon. That's _bacon._ _(quietly)_ Are you trying to poison me?

Feel free to leave any quotes i left out that you like. Leave your top ten or five or even your top one. I just want to hear from you! Thanks. Lots of love. Enemyofthedaleks :)


	4. Doctor Who Pickup Lines

1. Hello sweetie!

2. I'd like to take you out for texting and scones.

3. You're Oodiful.

4. Come back to my place and you can call me The Master.

5. Hey baby... do you have any Gallifreyan in you? No? Would you like some?

6. I think you need a Doctor

7. Would you like to take a ride in my TARDIS? (Krystal M.)

8. It's bigger than it looks.

9. I can take you anywhere you want to go.

10. You know you'll like my sonic screw driver.


	5. Interview With a Time Lord

Me: We are sitting here today in the TARDIS of the well known Doctor and his new companion. How do you guys do?

Doctor: Very well thanks.

Clara: Tired, this man never rests.

(Clara and I laugh, the Doctor just sits there looking offended.)

Me: What kind of things have you done so far?

Doctor: The normal stuff.

Me:(rolling my eyes) Yes, for you maybe but the audience and I are not traveling with you are we?

Doctor: I guess not. (Frowns)

Clara: So far we have saved people from the Wi-Fi, and explored the TARDIS. That's a danger in its self.

Doctor: No it's not! My TARDIS is the safest in the universe!

Clara: It's the ONLY one in the universe.

Doctor: Don't be mean to me, I can kick you off.

Clara: You can but you won't. You love me too much.

Doctor: No I don't, I don't love.

Clara: You love River.

Doctor: How do you know about River? You haven't met her yet.

Clara: You talk in your sleep.

Me: Right with that interesting fact, lets move on.

Clara:(grins at me) What's next?

Me: Clara, if you could go anywhere in the universe. Where would you go and what would you do?

Clara: I can go anywhere in the universe. But I probably would want to go meet the younger versions of the Doctor, he's almost a Thousand years old now. Who knows what he was like when he was younger.

Me:(nodding) I agree it seems like that would be an interesting adventure. Now Doctor this one is for you. Clara said the you are almost a thousand years old, how old are you exactly?

Doctor:(hesitating) I'm 1026 years old.

Clara: And still young

Me: I'd hate to meet him when he is old. How crazy would he be by then?

Clara: That's a scary thought, the Doctor being crazier than he is today.

Doctor: Hey! I'm not that bad!

(Clara and I just laugh and smile)

Me: How did you guys meet?

Clara: I met him when he came by my house in a monk outfit, demanding to talk to me.

Doctor: I met her when I had to blow up a Dalek planet, she had been turned into a Dalek and had made up and alternative universe to feel better about being a weapon of destruction. She helped get me and the Companions I had before her get off of the Planet.

Me: Well then, that's interesting. Doctor, other than Clara who is you favorite companion that you have ever had? In this form or previous ones.

Doctor: Other than Clara. I would have to say Rose, she traveled with me for two years, and was willing to give up ever seeing her family again in order to help me save the planet. I was in love with her, the first human I had ever fell for. (A tear rolls down his cheek. Clara and I ignore it.)

Me: Well I'm afraid that's all the time we have. Thank you for sitting down and talking with me. (Turns to the Camera) This is enemyofthedaleks saying goodbye and goodnight.


End file.
